Tuesday, July 31, 2007

adam eve and whoever you hate

eve - do you believe in god?

adam - nope, no god. i know there isn't a god.

eve pauses, silence, thinks, ring a ding, silence

adam - i know theres jesus, i believe in him, i know theres heaven saints angels...but no god. no one big supreme majesty...

eve- you don't have to believe you know..

pauses more, feels some ego being nudged.

adam - well, so many people take this god thing.. they tell you you believe in god and poof thats it, you get yourself into heaven, goodole one way ticket. and you find these people, cheats, thieves, cons, hypocrites, rapists, pimps, gangsters, slave drivers, bloodsuckers, murderers, corrupts, and and, they go okay yea i believe in god.. and poof! they're gonna be up there in promised paradise with you and me? sorry thats not the way it is...

eve- actually thats the way it is

adam raises eyebrow

adam - i tell ya, if i see the guy who killed my dad in heaven just cos he believes in god, i will kick his pussymouthbutthead back to earth or further.

eve - firstly, what makes you think you're going to heaven? and why would a christian kill anyone?

adams eyebrow is raised more...

adam - you mean even if i'm a good guy but don't belive in god i won't go to heaven?

eve - you can choose to accept christ as your lord. then you'll go to heaven

adam - ohhh okayy so i just have to accept him as my lord?

eve - yes

adam - so bastards can go to heaven cos they accept the lord, even if they murder and all... what about you?? you're such a bitch, you made me eat the fucking apple and i got kicked out of eden along with you, and you're not even fuckin'hot, i mean, i was ashamed of being nude and you being nude cos cos i mean you look at you, you're fuckin saggy, sure you're fair, but your boobs.. urggh..

eve- adam... you're no better with a receding hairline.

adam- but you fuckin'bitch ! you and that talking snake! i mean! a talking snake! you couldn't smell something fishy about a talking fucking snake! THAT ATE AN APPLE! which fucking snake eats apples!!!! you're the evil one you're not going to heaven.

eve- yes i am cos i accepted christ as my lord.

adam- well fuck all then, you make it sound so fucking crude. its like this guy, he wants to be voted for president okayyy and he doesn't give a rats ass whether you're mafia you're pimp, ho, prostitiute, corrupt, mass murderer...so long you give him a vote, you're good. wow! i'll tell you what eve.

eve- what?

adam walks away

eve - adam?

adam comes back with an uzi

eve - whats that?

adam- your ticket to heaven. i believe in christ, i choose him as my savior ok?

eve- thats great adam.

adam shoots eve, unloads a whole clip into her.

adam- thats for getting my ass kicked out of eden. i'll see you in heaven. bitch.
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Saturday, July 28, 2007

so fucking be it

they won't let you have it all
swim swim swim
i'm a blinded by the murk that i live in
to get out, to die
to fuck out, to lie
there'd be a bloodied understanding
there'd be the laughs so condescending
there'd be the tears they swell in my eyes
but its all right, its all right.

i live a life in a day,
and fuck be fuck, things be that way.
but i've got you and fuck all we say

lets fucking swim swim swim
we're dead fish in a bowl
we swim swim swim
fucking lose control
swim swim swim
the eyes don't want to see blood
the eyes don't want to see more
dead fish don't belong in the bowl.
we the dead fish don't belong in the bowl.

we'll get to the better place, i wanna hide in your heart.

i don't like reading stories anymore, i don't like reading about hope. even the most complicated biography, its too simple too easy. if life were that easy, you're on fuckin' dope. I don't like to be led, by the dumb and the naive and the overly fed. The powerful hordes that grow, they preach their savior, their heaven, their dog. dirty people, you reap what you sow.
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Monday, July 16, 2007

this is BEN's pickguard

ok so i have shaky hands.... sorry if its blur.

we all love psychedelia don't we???
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Sunday, July 15, 2007

soap me through bitter.

doe help me find
she helps me find my way to hell.
i crawl behind
the devils rise them priests into the sky

believe if you might
the throne bears no soul divine
the cunning in their prayers
you will, you will be mine.

oh sweet jesus
his tender sacrifice, his pain
he came to save us
much of that sincerity in vain
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Thursday, July 12, 2007

i am transparent in all its meaning

There are certain things i won't lie about.

read between the lines dearest, this one is titled half a heart.

do you believe they ask
fevered faithful and fantasized
a cradle to the trust
for awhile there is a mask
concerned cold christ realized
the giving in is a must.

the imperfection
my infection
so much doesn't matter.

your smile
yes you,
do wait awhile.

i am detached
i am reattached
come hither.

my dearests
there is a truth i fear
a tumor, a bleeding group i will compile.

here it is.

are you lucky?
Do you deserve to be fucking lucky?
there are people i send in my prayers
there are things to be begged
we deserve we deserve if only you could hear their souls

I love the suffering bunch because they are the kind
they are the ones who allow themselves to fall victim
often without knowing it
because they are too sincere, too real, too kind, too untouchable
they are fragile.
they don't act and they lose in life
but their soul oh their sweet soul.
fucking sons of bitches you hurt them.
fucking sons of bitches you win.
fucking sons of bitches you can have me too.
everyone please don't hurt anyone
the meek can wake up in the morning and look themselves in the mirror,
the meek can breathe within themselves
but the meek always breathe for others
why do the meek die?
the meek were supposed to inherit the earth, fuck you sons of bitches,
you sons of bitches should live forever.
i'll have my lifetime in 4 years,
like stormy
i have my stormy,
i have my weather,
I have lost her
in several lives
its a strange feeling to joke
to joke in this dirt.
oh sweet laughter
i will die laughing.
i will die laughing,
and i'll let you laugh at me.



its an easy decision, be the victim, be at peace.
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Tuesday, July 10, 2007

its burnt honey, its burnt.

You've set your stage ablaze
oh the retching of your ego
i kept my three eyes glazed
oh i threw my heart into space

There was a yearning for applause
there came the standing ovation
to take that hat off for a cause
'tis but a charade of appreciation.

some thing's burnt someones hurt
I paint a face for me to hide
smile side by side i do comply
don't kid me honey theres not a place my dove will confide.

feels like my drug is a dove and my heart is the residue
feels like the heart is in love and my faith only rests in you
feels like that dove has perched and rested inside of me
and that faint odour, sweet bird i roast, sweet blasphemy.

be there a fraud, be there a god
my home is both, they kiss and cut me.
this is not about love
this is the performance,
this is a chance for me to hate me.

dear dirt i'm sorry to have rid you
dear dust, one day i'll join you.
till then my evil, my inner whore,
i've got a another to give, a stain of a life to live
this chance i'll take to scrub my soul,
i'll cleanse it till it sparkles,
till its sore.
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Sunday, July 8, 2007

6 weird things about me...

i was tagged by diana to do this, supposed ta write 6 weird assed things about myself. and tag another 6 ppl..

1. I but brandy in coffee
2. I keep a pet bird and I try not to eat chicken rice in front of it.
3. I'm allergic to milk.
4. I dont dare to kill anything, not even insects.
5. I attract gays
6.I gotta 24 inch waist.
7.I can't count


so remember 6 weird things,

arthur
javier
randall
glenn
sonia
bai rong
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in my sleep i slept.

i carry someone's ashes on me always. He or she watches over me. I'm grateful for that.

He or she has become a part of me, and through this entity i learn about life. I learn about life from someone who has experienced it in all its entirety. Birth to death. Here is a little part of what he/she has told me. What little.

It seems like i've got a personal guide, like someone who'll take me through this whole motion. Well almost, but life isn't that easy and life isn't that fair. Doesn't mean we can't be happy, doesn't mean we can't find peace.

There are questions we may have, not necessarily very prominent burning questions, but questions about life. It would be carelessly arrogant and blunt for anyone to say we know the answers just like that, but we do.

It is a matter of embracing, recognizing, recollecting and wading in through this murky water called life to get them. what is our purpose? why am i here? what should i do? even, what's the matter with things? whats wrong with people? Dean koontz has written subtly about some of these, and by the grace of good grace i just happen to have someone to help me along with it.

listen to your heart, live for others, be quiet, be silent, turn inward and maybe ask for little. always listen to your heart, that lil voice in your head, or you can call it conscience, its the answer to every yes no, should i should i not question you'll ever have.

recently i've found a sense of peace, this doesn't mean i have problems. But ive found a sense of peace within, through 4 months of quiet and rest and a shiteload of painting, i can safely say that i wake up every morning, look myself in the mirror and find a bit of peace. It won't be easy to maintain though when life restarts, when work, studies, friends, social shit, ambitions kick in, but at least, this is a taste of what it feels like, and, its good. My dear someone told me, be kind, give, don't even think about hurting anyone, do not ever lie. 13 word formula for peace. Guilt comes in and out, but a little is always welcome. The hard part is being willing to turn the cheek to everything. are you willing to be hurt, to be humiliated, to be heart broken in order to stay true?

Life is unfair. Thats what makes it fair for everybody, no one gets it all. Material things the rich may have, but come death you don't take a cent with you. The poor but kind have a heavier baggage to check into the afterlife with, and there are no weight limits. The wealthy may have everything now but are blinded by the pleasures of life to seek anything beyond, they're not that lucky after all. I know a friend, came from a rich family, grew up with everything, literally up to his knee in whores, could have a fuck frenzy anytime, he could literally BUY a life. He's a changed man, he lives minimally now, he helps the sick, he's a physician. Why the change i don't know, but somehow he does, and thats something. You don't need faith, you don't need to accept christ or god into your heart, so long as you listen to your heart and you keep it clean, you're something. But it is when you do accept god into your heart and you demand that he make life fair for you that things fuck up. he she told me, life is unfair, but if you live for others, it won't matter at all, because you're not selfish, of course, don't be a dumbass, you're 17, you can't be mother theresa, you don't even have cash for a big mac. Simply put, give when you can, always lend a helping hand, when people come askin for help, give, its not everyday you have the opportunity to do so.

i don't know if this last part i should put down, but since its there, its there. My he she someone friend has lived a life. birth to death. strange how a person is most alive before he dies, strange how you know exactly how to live a life once you've died. i don't get to ask for advice anytime, only rarely when i'm lucky, it comes. this last part is about love, and right now, i just can't go on.
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Friday, July 6, 2007

there is always some light.

a collective they close
their eyes but see
alone their reminded
that life's not free
there is tax in the form
of heart from you and me.

why won't they bring us closer?
why does this feeling creep on me?
If god really perches higher
This view of this entirety
a swarm of negativity
a stain on his pristine majesty
One could only beg for a new finish.

But god being a know all,
he bits his divine lips.
For although this world
this imperfection
be a thing he always cherished,
Even the boss knows,
no good deed goes unpunished.


have you witnessed a death before? have you looked into the eyes of a cadaver? surely we know that death is not the end. sometimes people wait till its too late to pack their things, pack their souls. you can have everything in the world, but when u've taken your last breath, it is really too late to note that you can't take anything with you but the immaterial . That would be love, kindness and hope. if u don't see hope in the corpse's eyes, relax, you know the guy's taken that with him. life isn't fair, but everything from death onwards is. as trent reznor said, you know the fuck that you are. those that've treated you unfairly in this lifetime cannot peek inside themselves and smile, they cannot. they are the pitiful so try your best not to smirk.
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Wednesday, July 4, 2007

when baby's dad is a graphic disgner..










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