Thursday, June 28, 2007

we deserve

i saw pictures of my fellow classmates new paintings recently, dearest mrs tan printed em out.

on jon, "see, for a first major painting, its scary"

"i was very touched when he his teacher told him that the rosary would make it hard to win the uob competition due to its religious context"

and jon painted it over with a flower, then painted it back with a rosary again.

its something really, staying true.

well but on my end

"you give me a canvas right now, i wouldn't even be able to give you half the standard of work that you have in your hands"

oh well, maybe thats why i like spray paint so much, you finish your work and if its ugly, you're still happy, thanks to plentiful aerosols making you smile like very few things can.

eh but but but, by crook or by crook, i'll make the cjc painting nice. or at least i'l make those viewing it smile, if ya know what i mean ;)

love
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conversations that god can't beat.

(Crowded motel room. There is one bed and four cots, which the boys are lying on and Red is sitting on the real bed looking at a map of the campus.)

RED: There's got to be at least one all-male dormitory on this campus. Ah, here it is-right in between the chapel and the school of interior design.

KITTY: (walks out of the bathroom.) Boys, um, um, I realize that, uh, I may have been a little irrational today.

KELSO: A little?

KITTY: (Yelling.) Shut up! (Normal voice.) So, um, maybe now is a good time for me to explain a few things to you about menopause. And, uh, lucky for you, I'm a nurse, so I can use the proper terms, like "epithelial lining" and "uterine wall."

(The guys, including Red, all groan and turn away. Except for Fez who looks at Kitty with a smile.)

FEZ: I'm hooked.

KITTY: (Claps her hands. Then holds up to bars of soap.) Okay, so, um, now say these soaps are my ovaries.

ERIC: Kill me now.

HYDE: Can't hear you, man. I'm on a beach in Florida.

KITTY: Okay, um, about a month ago, they stopped producing… (Kelso's game beeps.) They stopped… (beeping continues.) Stopped producing-that's it. (She throws down the soaps and storms over to Kelso, takes the game and throws it out the window.) What is wrong with you? Were you dropped on your head?

KELSO: Yes, I was. (Kitty looks surprised and a bit guilty.) And up until now, everyone had the good grace not to mention it!

RED: (Stands up.) Okay, boys, time to leave.

(The boys walk to the door. Fez stops in front of Kitty.)

FEZ: Mrs. Forman? I'm sorry. I washed my face with your ovaries.

RED: Get out.

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Wednesday, June 27, 2007

stories of hope again? will n hope

will will take hope to a better place

will wakes to rhythm
will will rise to the occasion
the cries and the bleating
the shoving his heart to take
'tis hard to admit entry to wisdom
from the one who delivers the beating

will finds a heart in hope
will will hope the world for hope
the smiles and the warming
regret is the warm hand
in each other they see new land
to him, without hope, will - amounts to - nothing.

and i leave it to you to decide whether you should put a question mark or a period behind some of the lines. after all, what you read and what you interpret reflects the within.

are you will, or are you hope. sometimes, what will and hope are or who they are should be left untold, so we can paint them in a shade similar to our own. let yourself be will or hope, and get to the new land, we all deserve to get through the goats' bleating.
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uno persistant motherfockura stories about hope

its been three days, three days in a row, and every morning i wake up to the buzzing of that small black bugger. no, by small black bugger i do not refer to

1. a mole which twitches
2. a body part
3. my pet
4. you, if you happened to piss me off recently.

i refer to TAITESS. taitess is a hornet cum wasp cum demon. taitess is the name i gave him/her, pronouced "tight ass", not that i've experienced the circumference of a wasp's asshole...

taitess is 5 cm long, big for a bee/hornet/wasp/buzzermuff. he flies in and out of my room very often. you will soon find out why this is a story of hope, and more importantly, why i call him/her/it taitess.

one morning 3 days ago i woke up and saw, to my effin horror a monster of a fly, a hornet, buzzing, swooping, performing aerial maneuvers above my face. i will be frank, i hate bees, fire ants, wasps, hornets, anything with a sting, yea thats right, you too mr chen, you too grand aunt. i am afraid of hornets, its slick appearance, the black colour, its like god wanted to create a war machine but miscalculated its size. imagine waking up to find one dancing above u and perching, no not perching, crashing landing 4 inches from your genitals. yea, pretty shitty yea?

it kept flying from corner to corner, wall to window... and i realized it probably wanted to fly out.. i left the window open and waited for it to go through and slammed it shut behind it.

little did i know, the fella wanted to build a nest in my room... he tried coming back, kept slamming his bee brain on my window.

there was a crack. yes thats right, and he flew right through my crack, thats right, the crack between the wall and the window. it wasn't easy, his big fatass abdomen bocked him at first, but he squeezed through with much difficulty. THIS IS PROBABLY one of the reasons GOD DECIDED TO SPARE MALES AN HOUR GLASS FIGURE.

i tried getting the bugger out, he keeps coming in, he crinkles his wings, damages himself every time he comes in and out? and was i sorry for him? OF COURSE! not.

the wasp/hornet whatever... is a spider killer, how many insects can kill a spider? and lay the dead spiders on my desk?

i was amused ok, i was quite proud of the black faggot. but you know, me being me, i flipped a page out of national geographic which contained a large zoomed in picture of a tarantula.. a big hairy mutherasshumper of a spider. about 7 inches long... ( in print of course) and placed it on the table, next to the 2 dead spiders..

boy was that something, of course the black faggot went into a frenzy

BUT HE STILL CAME BACK.

last night it stormed.

and i was pretty sure, his black ass turned into watercolour.

BUT HE STILL CAME BACK.

barely alive, but kicking nonetheless.

bastard if an insect, irritating as hell, but really something. and i don't want to smack the bugger anymore, we've got a small agreement, he stops buzzing around when i wake up. he gets his black ass out the window.

its a story of hope, there are no witty twists, there is no action.

its a small ass that lived, thats all, but its something, i can't dramatize it really, its a fokin wasp for bugger sake.

but still

and don't ask me why i didn;t just kill it.
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Saturday, June 23, 2007

oh so very true

1. the meek will inherit the earth
2. a prayer that goes "spare me so i may serve'

3.. this short thing


with his face angled down, he appears to be a shoe gazer. he turns a corner and sees a mother, slapping the wits out of her child, she notices him and blushes, her bronze dark skin turning an ugly shade... she gives a pecker kiss on the infant. reminds Ephrem of a peckerwood against a rose. he avoids them, turns and gets into the lift. they follow, the mother holding her child like an inanimate object, a foul one too, to be kept away from the face. the baby squirms and cries. mother shakes it, mother hushes it.

ephrem walks in without much of a rat;s ass for their presence. mother says 10th floor. ephrem presses the button for her, of course, hoping the lift would bring her closer to the center of the earth. and that gives him the idea

he gets out on the 2nd floor. waits till the lift goes up to the 9th floor and hits the emergency button which sends it hirtling to the first floor again, at well, a much faster than usual speed.

doesn't that warm your heart? maybe now that bitch will treat her child less like an animal. yes and for you people who don't know whether they survived, they did. emergency lift buttons save lives.
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Friday, June 22, 2007

this is what they taught

a person is most alive just before death
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Wednesday, June 20, 2007

this kid discovered something today.

he looks at the sun
he figures it all out
why can't we look at the sun he wonders
he knows now

our eyes are the window to our soul
but for who to see?
for them to see
for them who will judge us
where we exist will reflect us
what we do will be shown
our memories a record of our deed
they see when we hurt
they see when we give
they see when we care
they see when we grieve
but we can't look at the sun
because thats where they sit
proud and all knowing in their thrones
watching us
we the fish in the bowl
we shit and we feed in the same water
they don't want us to know they are there
they don't want to prove they exist
for if they do
it might just be too easy for us to comply
the true test is to have faith without seeing
oh my we cry
this actually means
do not bring us to the test may be a whisper
for who will deliver
us from evil when evil is within
oh my we cry
its our eyes
its our eyes
for if it is they who gave us vision
it is they who can truly see
no speech no heart can reason
with the guilt one bears on his tree
our denial can numb our heart
but our existence merely a conduit
for this story
this record of humanity
where the blind
the ignorant
the evil
against all odds
swimming in their own shit
ascended eventually.
the boy rushes within
he nourishes others
he cares
he gives
he makes mistakes
but he cares and he gives
and he shows he has a heart
of course there is guilt
there is regret
he cannot explain it other than
cares
gives
did he dare?
did he dare say
love?
and up there in their thrones
the divine all agreed
to this young scum
could they give way.

oh it is a sad sad life,
sing your sad song and make it better.
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so now what?

so heres the thing. i've gotta band, we've gotta gig scheduled for sunday 25th june.

terms n conditions state that i've gotta sell 20 tickets n shit. thing is they never sent the tickets to me, so now what the fuck? asshole calls up and tells me to meet him to collect tickets. how the fuck do u want me to sell tickets just like fucking that?

so heres how i picture whats gonna happen 20 mins from now.

i'll make a call,

hi is this jason?

yes speaking.

this is ruben, hey man, sorry can't meet you to collect the tickets, anyway i don't think i can sell them. so hey if you don't want my band to play for the gig its ok.

if he says - oh oh is it? no its ok you can still play..

i'll say - oh cool, in that case, we don't wanna fucking play at your piece a shit party.

if he says - you know you signed the agreement you should've..

i'll say - fuck you pussy eater, i sign that thinking you'd abide by the rules you made as well. oh and fuck you pussy eater.

if he says (again) - can you meet me tonight or tomorrow night to come and collect the..
i'll say - who the fuck do you think i am crawling around to collect something i'm not even getting paid for? you think i'm fucking stupid?

the world is full of fuckers, they come to you and fuck you around... when you come across a fucker, you should fuck him back really hard. if you are a fucker to begin with, do the world a favour and fuck yourself. once again, the ideal world is pretty much definitely one without human existence.

and why don't i want to play anyway?

i'm so fucking negative aren't i?

1. the band hasn't practiced for it at all.
2. we haven't really decided what to play
3. the venue stinks
4. i'm fucking weary
5. i'm fucking weary
6. i doubt the rest of the band really wants to go all out for this one
7. i'm fucking weary
8. i'm getting broke spending money on this fucking "passion" called music.
9. this gig is not going to get anyone anywhere
10. in fact its one of those self exposure gigs
11. and we all know that you can't get fucking exposure with those
12. you want fucking exposure you strip in front of your best friends parents
13. i'm getting discouraged
14. playing composing writing daily, hourly and getting nowhere
15. i know i'd love to say, its getting me nowhere cos its not good enough
16. why thank you very much, my honesty is just the most uplifting
17. i'm fucking weary
18. there are better things to do, people to put a smile on for
19. so its such a brainless decision, why the hesitation?

1. because doing the gig would be the right thing to do
2. because you should do it for your friends
3. because you will feel guilty for dumping this
4. because, be - fucking- cause.

all problems are self created ladies n gentlemen, i got myself into this and i'm drowning in my own shit, this is so fucking fun, i so wanna do this again.

kisses full of shit to all of you :)
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Tuesday, June 19, 2007

i've started painting

this one is fun hahaha... its scary as shit, but its fun

this'll be a painting for the cjc library... like omg how the hell am i gonna ???

so maybe a few will know the story behind this one.

this piece is about hope.
hope manifested to me in a few of these..

denial, uncertainty, sacrifice, ignorance, desire, people, just the few people.

i'm putting this one together by arranging rose petals to form the big picture.

i give a whole lotta love to every single petal, detail is important to me, emotional detail while painting is important to me, and will be important to whoever views it.

the vague picture is forming now, but hardly, there is a lot of uncertainty... colors, overlapping, placement.. colors, colors, colors..

i worry about how to deal with the layout..the f******* colors. there is no safety net doing this one... its like putting the dressing right on top of the salad, where it belongs, but where there is no turning back.

i paint through the noise, i paint through the shouting, i paint through the fighting, the television static, the music, the blissful wind, the occasional silence, the aid of mnms, the aid of green tea, the coaxing of friends.

oh and why roses? why rose petals?

rose is the passion flower, is the love flower, is the hate flower.

i believe life is a bed of roses. One that needs to be shredded, petal by petal to unveil the true beauty, the entirety that is a life given away, taken apart for something, someone, anything one sees a reason to do so for. that is hope. sweet fucking hope.
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2 cuts from my head, 2 paragraphs for my friends


the lonely angel

boy sees house on fire
boy feels nails in his feet
boy lets heart float higher
he can't smell his defeat

and the angel's reporter

so i sat there mixing the paint
my mind sat with me
without restraint
i flooded mind with the rhythm
of hurt much worse than my own
but stoic children
their voices filtered through
myself so sadly not in my hands to disown
and i bled the colors
i rubbed it in
a little black applied for hours
my output then matched the shade within.
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Monday, June 18, 2007

there is that who sits under
the shower
the martyr
the cover

she is that who fails to acknowledge
the color
the hour
the flower

they were them who took
the desire
the fire
the entire

i was one who became
the liar
the buyer
and i carried the question mark like a certain star carried his wood
forever

you are
the reader
the forgiver
the redeemer.
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and today we see but we don't care.

the perfectionist

he sees his idol
he doesn't pray
lies to convince
his heart this very day
his eyelids are half open
a naked soul does point the way
into a hole he ascends
off comes his hat and he amends
oh that sweet smile
behind which he tastes bile
he holds out his hand
but somehow he fails to understand
the very spirit he speaks
the very idol he reeks
will paint the lot in his own hell created
that is where he will land
and so he chants
i am a thinker
i am a stinker.
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Saturday, June 16, 2007

stuff in my head today

1. what did santa claus say when he entered the brothel?

HO HO HO

2.what should i get for fathers day..

3.what purpose am i serving today...

4.sometimes i wish we can rid the world of all the fucked up people... the ideal world is without human existence..thank u sonia...that translation hot hot hot

5.poor dudes acting the play out at sentosa had to be so thick skin, they;re doing it for a living and we're commenting on how gimmicky it seems,

6. *mental note, tell yourself to go fuck yourself.

7. am i going to get anywhere in life? then.. ah forget it..

8. should i throw this banana peel out of the window?

more to come...
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your mp3 is psychic.

iF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY"YOU SAY ?
buck dich - rammstein
cochise-audioslave

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOURPERSONALITY?
reptile- nine inch nails
eleanor rigby-the beatles

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
the beatiful people-marilyn manson
closer-nine inch nails

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
zestoren- rammstein
rock is dead-marilyn manson

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
show me how to live-audioslave
buck dich (repeat)-rammstein (and no, my destiny can't be to butt fuck)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
come together-the beatles
eat me drink me-marilyn manson

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
reptile-nine inch nails
sex type thing-stone temple pilots

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
slither-velvet revolver
feuer frei-rammstein (so true)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
engel rammstein
illegal i song-velvet revolver

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTIES?
ave maria- no comment, no comment
heretic song-slipknot

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOULIKE?
hysteria-muse
the perfect drug-nine inch nails (yea baby..this is more like it.)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROWUP?
wicked game-HIM
reptile (repeat)-nine inch nails

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THEPERSON YOU LIKE?
day tripper-the beatles
rock and roll-led zeppelin

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU??
another brick in the wall- marilyn manson
the immigrant song-led zeppelin
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
the beautiful people(repeat)-marilyn manson
big come down-nine inch nails (ho yes ...)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
the hand that feeds-nine inch nails
don't worry be happy- bob marley (yea i don't mind hahaha)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
black dog-led zeppelin
happiness in slavery-nine inch nails

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
survivalism-nine inch nails
mein teil-rammstein

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
ax-FAQ
big bang baby-stone temple pilots

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
there was a time-guns and roses
only-nine inch nails

WHAT SONG WILL BE THE SUBJECT WHEN YOU REPOST?
shake that bush again-the mooney suzuki
fall to pieces-velvet revolver



yes i love nine inch nails... or maybe just trent reznor..
...and jeordie white..

and oh my god.. aaron north.

not that i'm a buttfucker of course.

you should try it, if yours is a chinese ipod, hohoho, have fun..

*note. it really does kinda work..after all you are what you eat..music wise too..


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Thursday, June 14, 2007

okok stupid thing of the day

so diana was looking for this thing called a action sampler, which really is a camera that takes a photo within a sec and splits it into 4 cute photos..

we couldnt find an online site that sells it without askin for paypal or credit card... so eventually i found one in singapore..

called the person up to check if they had the exact model


"hi do you have a lomo camera that is transparent, cute and colourful?"

"oh yes, you're referring to the action sampler?"

"yea baby."

this is where i hang up, i couldn't help it, she had the cute assed horny voice, i had to play along, hell the pope would've played along!"
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its in your head

phrase of the day..

born a loser, out to lunch

question of the day

are we there yet?

what a lot of people have is trust, without knowing it. what a lot of people have is jealousy, without knowing it. what a lot of people have is greed, without knowing it. what a lot of people have is luck, without knowing it. what a lot of people have is poison, without knowing it. what a lot of people have are lies, without knowing it. what a lot of people have is purity, without knowing it. what a lot of people have is creativity, without knowing it. what a lot of people have is psychic, without knowing it.

what you may have is love, but that you will know. what you may have is hate, and that you will know.

someone once said that love and hate is the same, the opposite of love, is apathy.

what a lot of people have is sex, without knowing it.
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Sunday, June 10, 2007

this is NIN






the hand that feeds

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And there were 5 of them.

i was part of this lil performance at tanglin cc yesterday.

2 hours of practice before the show

found a singer last minute, effendi from bedroom utensils

played these songs, cochise, show me how to live by audioslave and the hand that feeds by NIN.

wanted to back out of this gig a long time ago,

but couldn't due to some unforeseen circumcisions.

the 2 hours of practice were fine except for the new singer's occasional stray notes

we failed to nail the nine inch nails song.

but we went ahead anyway,

so there you have it, effendi, chris chai, mark wee and ruben head for a gig.

we were scheduled to open the show.

we went to the venue and saw before our eyes 2 people, they made up half of the people in the hall, the other 2 was actually one person, a really fat person who was the sound-man.

we tested equipments and i fooled around with the spare mic, i', pretty sure i turned on the old lady in the front row by whispering "sweet sex sex sex.." and "i'm so fucking honoured to open this grand jamboree night". of course at a barely audible level and rough marilyn manson record voice, the audience merely think its part of a soundcheck and nod their old fragile greying exposed scalped shriveled prune like heads.

and then there were five of them, diana, randall, arthur, ben say, sonia.

we played, we fumbled, i trashed up a fluorescent stage light and sang a shoddy version of the hand that feeds. The crowd was small and we still gave it the best shot.

there are people who want to see you fall, there are people who wished you never were, there are people who want to hurt you. poisonous people, jealous people, non people kind of people.

but there are people who believe in you and there are people who always stand by you. there are people who trust you and especially trust you to entertain them. For these people you must perform, and the show must go on.

and the looks on their faces at the end of every song, it tells you to go on, so thanks randall, diana, sonia, ben, arthur for coming down, for being a part of a very special moment. Now we can write in our resume that we are a band, truly willing to put on a great show, no matter what the venue, no matter what the occasion, be it to a 20 seater or a 2000 mutherhumper clump of a crowd.

yes , and there will always be the few who stand out from the crowd, who matter just as much as those who plant their asses on the stage.

to future moshes, bruises, fights and blood, diana, randall, arthur, ben, sonia!

with love

rbn
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