Thursday, June 28, 2007

conversations that god can't beat.

(Crowded motel room. There is one bed and four cots, which the boys are lying on and Red is sitting on the real bed looking at a map of the campus.)

RED: There's got to be at least one all-male dormitory on this campus. Ah, here it is-right in between the chapel and the school of interior design.

KITTY: (walks out of the bathroom.) Boys, um, um, I realize that, uh, I may have been a little irrational today.

KELSO: A little?

KITTY: (Yelling.) Shut up! (Normal voice.) So, um, maybe now is a good time for me to explain a few things to you about menopause. And, uh, lucky for you, I'm a nurse, so I can use the proper terms, like "epithelial lining" and "uterine wall."

(The guys, including Red, all groan and turn away. Except for Fez who looks at Kitty with a smile.)

FEZ: I'm hooked.

KITTY: (Claps her hands. Then holds up to bars of soap.) Okay, so, um, now say these soaps are my ovaries.

ERIC: Kill me now.

HYDE: Can't hear you, man. I'm on a beach in Florida.

KITTY: Okay, um, about a month ago, they stopped producing… (Kelso's game beeps.) They stopped… (beeping continues.) Stopped producing-that's it. (She throws down the soaps and storms over to Kelso, takes the game and throws it out the window.) What is wrong with you? Were you dropped on your head?

KELSO: Yes, I was. (Kitty looks surprised and a bit guilty.) And up until now, everyone had the good grace not to mention it!

RED: (Stands up.) Okay, boys, time to leave.

(The boys walk to the door. Fez stops in front of Kitty.)

FEZ: Mrs. Forman? I'm sorry. I washed my face with your ovaries.

RED: Get out.

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