Wednesday, June 27, 2007

uno persistant motherfockura stories about hope

its been three days, three days in a row, and every morning i wake up to the buzzing of that small black bugger. no, by small black bugger i do not refer to

1. a mole which twitches
2. a body part
3. my pet
4. you, if you happened to piss me off recently.

i refer to TAITESS. taitess is a hornet cum wasp cum demon. taitess is the name i gave him/her, pronouced "tight ass", not that i've experienced the circumference of a wasp's asshole...

taitess is 5 cm long, big for a bee/hornet/wasp/buzzermuff. he flies in and out of my room very often. you will soon find out why this is a story of hope, and more importantly, why i call him/her/it taitess.

one morning 3 days ago i woke up and saw, to my effin horror a monster of a fly, a hornet, buzzing, swooping, performing aerial maneuvers above my face. i will be frank, i hate bees, fire ants, wasps, hornets, anything with a sting, yea thats right, you too mr chen, you too grand aunt. i am afraid of hornets, its slick appearance, the black colour, its like god wanted to create a war machine but miscalculated its size. imagine waking up to find one dancing above u and perching, no not perching, crashing landing 4 inches from your genitals. yea, pretty shitty yea?

it kept flying from corner to corner, wall to window... and i realized it probably wanted to fly out.. i left the window open and waited for it to go through and slammed it shut behind it.

little did i know, the fella wanted to build a nest in my room... he tried coming back, kept slamming his bee brain on my window.

there was a crack. yes thats right, and he flew right through my crack, thats right, the crack between the wall and the window. it wasn't easy, his big fatass abdomen bocked him at first, but he squeezed through with much difficulty. THIS IS PROBABLY one of the reasons GOD DECIDED TO SPARE MALES AN HOUR GLASS FIGURE.

i tried getting the bugger out, he keeps coming in, he crinkles his wings, damages himself every time he comes in and out? and was i sorry for him? OF COURSE! not.

the wasp/hornet whatever... is a spider killer, how many insects can kill a spider? and lay the dead spiders on my desk?

i was amused ok, i was quite proud of the black faggot. but you know, me being me, i flipped a page out of national geographic which contained a large zoomed in picture of a tarantula.. a big hairy mutherasshumper of a spider. about 7 inches long... ( in print of course) and placed it on the table, next to the 2 dead spiders..

boy was that something, of course the black faggot went into a frenzy

BUT HE STILL CAME BACK.

last night it stormed.

and i was pretty sure, his black ass turned into watercolour.

BUT HE STILL CAME BACK.

barely alive, but kicking nonetheless.

bastard if an insect, irritating as hell, but really something. and i don't want to smack the bugger anymore, we've got a small agreement, he stops buzzing around when i wake up. he gets his black ass out the window.

its a story of hope, there are no witty twists, there is no action.

its a small ass that lived, thats all, but its something, i can't dramatize it really, its a fokin wasp for bugger sake.

but still

and don't ask me why i didn;t just kill it.
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