for never in fashion

kaching, u don't know how much fuck ups to get this right.

this is captian oreo's guitar... hello dude, i put erm half a star below the bridge.. can see? eh the reflectionzz are a bit hardcore ah... i use powerful flash ah... plus shaky hands, but can see la ... okay cheeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrssss

colours used, crimson alizarin, raw sienna, prussian blue, and asshole black.

specialism receipt

treasure.

sorry

hurt, trent took the words right out of my gut.

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stain of time
The feeling disappears
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way





if i could start again, i would really really find a way. really.

jesus, cuddle me.

it never stops, it never stops. soon, once again, i'll have nothing to lose, is that all so comforting?

hush hush hush ruben, hush.

dreams do stain reality

hello

for, not from

love love

Title: Swan Song

This piece is about hope, sacrifice and humor.

It is dedicated to all those who are going through hard times, those in need of inspiration, hope, peace and a way out. You may be able to identify with different elements in the painting.

The lack of the eyes, nose, mouth and ears (and a missing hand), suggest that sometimes the pain life etches into us may hurt so much that we’d rather do without the senses. And sometimes, the same senses that guide us mislead us too, making us seek baser material pleasures. We want to elude trouble. We love comfort. When we suffer, we ask for the meaning of life; reasons to justify out suffering. We are told that difficulties are the best way to learn about life, and it is almost impossible to see the truth in that.

The entity breaking out of the clouds is one who strives. There is no end to what we want, material, emotional or spiritual. She reaches out, even though she has gone past the clouds. Her desires and ambitions are part of the clouds, immense, impossible to grasp, and in a sense, they suffocate. Some curl around her like a closing hand. Often, we are required to strive, yet I’m sure deep down inside all of us, we know what really is required of us - charity and generosity.

Life is unfair, and in the midst of all this suffering and struggling, we want a way out. Yet more beautiful human qualities shine more intensely in these dark events. I’ve found one way out though, that would be this attempt to live for others or for something I believe in as much as possible. It really hurts less when efforts are in vain or obstacles come about because you know what you’re doing isn’t for a selfish reason. It seems as though your suffering is shared with those whom you’re living for. It also hurts less if you can laugh while at it.

Laughter is important. It adds color to the darkest moments. Patterns and lively color swirl behind the murky blue wash. The rose above the entity’s head can be anticipated to smack her in the face as she ascends. Occasionally the clouds suggest that the entity has “guffed”. With humor, even a cloudy scene can be turned into a relatively rosy situation. To me, the ability to chuckle in the shadow of negativity when it rears its ugly head… is almost… noble?

I guess there is this "rose" in all of us. There will be a time when it will blossom, and before long, wither. There is also Hope within. Hope may cry over the dying flower. Yet there is beauty in the dried drifting petals caressed by the wind. It symbolizes impermanence and a new beginning; a farewell to the rose and a grand initiation for the fruit that will take its place. A life lived for someone or something else, that in itself is a beautiful swan song that will touch everyone.

For all of you who are in pain, who need inspiration, who seem to be losing hope, who want to give up. Hang in there. Often by helping others you help yourself. In the book “The Husband” by Dean Koontz, a character mentioned that peace is a grace that comes over people, and happiness is a choice we must learn to choose. I’ve found a sense of peace, but I can’t say with sincerity that I’m happy. To all of you, may you find that peace, and may you eventually experience happiness. In the end, you are Hope and your Swan Song will be everlasting. Stay true to yourself.

With hope and love, cheers!

Ruben Pang

9 Aug 2007

adam eve and whoever you hate

so fucking be it

this is BEN's pickguard

ok so i have shaky hands.... sorry if its blur.

soap me through bitter.

i am transparent in all its meaning

its burnt honey, its burnt.

6 weird things about me...

in my sleep i slept.

there is always some light.

when baby's dad is a graphic disgner..

we deserve

conversations that god can't beat.

(Crowded motel room. There is one bed and four cots, which the boys are lying on and Red is sitting on the real bed looking at a map of the campus.)

RED: There's got to be at least one all-male dormitory on this campus. Ah, here it is-right in between the chapel and the school of interior design.

KITTY: (walks out of the bathroom.) Boys, um, um, I realize that, uh, I may have been a little irrational today.

KELSO: A little?

KITTY: (Yelling.) Shut up! (Normal voice.) So, um, maybe now is a good time for me to explain a few things to you about menopause. And, uh, lucky for you, I'm a nurse, so I can use the proper terms, like "epithelial lining" and "uterine wall."

(The guys, including Red, all groan and turn away. Except for Fez who looks at Kitty with a smile.)

FEZ: I'm hooked.

KITTY: (Claps her hands. Then holds up to bars of soap.) Okay, so, um, now say these soaps are my ovaries.

ERIC: Kill me now.

HYDE: Can't hear you, man. I'm on a beach in Florida.

KITTY: Okay, um, about a month ago, they stopped producing… (Kelso's game beeps.) They stopped… (beeping continues.) Stopped producing-that's it. (She throws down the soaps and storms over to Kelso, takes the game and throws it out the window.) What is wrong with you? Were you dropped on your head?

KELSO: Yes, I was. (Kitty looks surprised and a bit guilty.) And up until now, everyone had the good grace not to mention it!

RED: (Stands up.) Okay, boys, time to leave.

(The boys walk to the door. Fez stops in front of Kitty.)

FEZ: Mrs. Forman? I'm sorry. I washed my face with your ovaries.

RED: Get out.

stories of hope again? will n hope

uno persistant motherfockura stories about hope

oh so very true

this is what they taught

so now what?

i've started painting

2 cuts from my head, 2 paragraphs for my friends

and today we see but we don't care.

stuff in my head today

your mp3 is psychic.

iF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY"YOU SAY ?
buck dich - rammstein

cochise-audioslave

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOURPERSONALITY?

reptile- nine inch nails

eleanor rigby-the beatles

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

the beatiful people-marilyn manson

closer-nine inch nails

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

zestoren- rammstein

rock is dead-marilyn manson

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

show me how to live-audioslave

buck dich (repeat)-rammstein (and no, my destiny can't be to butt fuck)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

come together-the beatles

eat me drink me-marilyn manson

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

reptile-nine inch nails

sex type thing-stone temple pilots

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?

slither-velvet revolver
feuer frei-rammstein (so true)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
engel rammstein

illegal i song-velvet revolver

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTIES?

ave maria- no comment, no comment

heretic song-slipknot

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOULIKE?

hysteria-muse

the perfect drug-nine inch nails (yea baby..this is more like it.)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROWUP?

wicked game-HIM

reptile (repeat)-nine inch nails

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THEPERSON YOU LIKE?

day tripper-the beatles

rock and roll-led zeppelin

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU??

another brick in the wall- marilyn manson

the immigrant song-led zeppelin

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

the beautiful people(repeat)-marilyn manson

big come down-nine inch nails (ho yes ...)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

the hand that feeds-nine inch nails

don't worry be happy- bob marley (yea i don't mind hahaha)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

black dog-led zeppelin

happiness in slavery-nine inch nails

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

survivalism-nine inch nails

mein teil-rammstein

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

ax-FAQ

big bang baby-stone temple pilots

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

there was a time-guns and roses

only-nine inch nails

WHAT SONG WILL BE THE SUBJECT WHEN YOU REPOST?

shake that bush again-the mooney suzuki

fall to pieces-velvet revolver



yes i love nine inch nails... or maybe just trent reznor..
...and jeordie white..

and oh my god.. aaron north.

not that i'm a buttfucker of course.

you should try it, if yours is a chinese ipod, hohoho, have fun..

*note. it really does kinda work..after all you are what you eat..music wise too..

okok stupid thing of the day

its in your head

this is NIN

the hand that feeds

And there were 5 of them.

i was part of this lil performance at tanglin cc yesterday.

2 hours of practice before the show

found a singer last minute, effendi from bedroom utensils

played these songs, cochise, show me how to live by audioslave and the hand that feeds by NIN.

wanted to back out of this gig a long time ago,

but couldn't due to some unforeseen circumcisions.

the 2 hours of practice were fine except for the new singer's occasional stray notes

we failed to nail the nine inch nails song.

but we went ahead anyway,

so there you have it, effendi, chris chai, mark wee and ruben head for a gig.

we were scheduled to open the show.

we went to the venue and saw before our eyes 2 people, they made up half of the people in the hall, the other 2 was actually one person, a really fat person who was the sound-man.

we tested equipments and i fooled around with the spare mic, i', pretty sure i turned on the old lady in the front row by whispering "sweet sex sex sex.." and "i'm so fucking honoured to open this grand jamboree night". of course at a barely audible level and rough marilyn manson record voice, the audience merely think its part of a soundcheck and nod their old fragile greying exposed scalped shriveled prune like heads.

and then there were five of them, diana, randall, arthur, ben say, sonia.

we played, we fumbled, i trashed up a fluorescent stage light and sang a shoddy version of the hand that feeds. The crowd was small and we still gave it the best shot.

there are people who want to see you fall, there are people who wished you never were, there are people who want to hurt you. poisonous people, jealous people, non people kind of people.

but there are people who believe in you and there are people who always stand by you. there are people who trust you and especially trust you to entertain them. For these people you must perform, and the show must go on.

and the looks on their faces at the end of every song, it tells you to go on, so thanks randall, diana, sonia, ben, arthur for coming down, for being a part of a very special moment. Now we can write in our resume that we are a band, truly willing to put on a great show, no matter what the venue, no matter what the occasion, be it to a 20 seater or a 2000 mutherhumper clump of a crowd.

yes , and there will always be the few who stand out from the crowd, who matter just as much as those who plant their asses on the stage.

to future moshes, bruises, fights and blood, diana, randall, arthur, ben, sonia!

with love

rbn